A new year with new Adventures

Well here we are half way through January of 2010 and I have found myself involved in one of the greatest Adventures of my life, a BABY!!! I have been having some small medical problems and after a chat with my mom decided it was time to take a pregnancy test! And for the first time I saw two lines, what the heck two lines = Baby! "what am I going to do!" I thought to myself. I hed the test and tried not to draw attention to my giddy confusion. I did not do a good job but was able to keep Justin from figuring it out. But i couldn't keep it in when our friends the Wagner's came over for Prayer and Bible study. I told Susanna first and she was thrilled. and she helped me figure out a unique way to tell Justin. this was all on Wednesday the 13th and I managed to hold it in until the 14th at about 10P.M. I couldn't stand it any longer and I broke down and started to be "needy" as I had planed. then I asked Justin if he could do just one more thing, get my glasses where I had hid the Positive Test... hee heee! He was amazed and also confused. We have been praying for this for years and know that it would happen in God's perfect timing but we were beginning to think children weren't in our future. We had even thought of adoption. But this changed it all!

Well it's been 12 days since then and I still have my little medical problem and we are just laying in the faithful hands of God to carry our Baby to full term. We had a doctor's apt on the 18th but it was too early to see anything on the ultra sound but we do have a due date of September 18 and we are too excited for words!

But days go by and I fear for our baby, I know God is in control and that this little one is a gift from Him and He will take the best care of our baby! I will not Worry, I will not Fear, I will Trust Him even when I can not see.

Justin and I are so very excited and we realize this is the greatest Adventure we will will ever be on! It has brought us to our knees and we know that God is going to be our travel guide on this trek!

Well here I am June 2 and as most of you know we lost our little baby. I haven't posted in a while and well this why I think, I had this post waiting to be posted and now it's not! God has a plan and although I have no clue as what it is, I am learning that I can have peace with God even in this trial. It's been almost 4 months since all this has happened and I am feeling it harder now than before! Ten of my friends are still pregnant, ten of them are still going to have a baby. They get to have showers, and ultrasounds and they get to shop for cute baby things and still DON'T and that makes me sad! I am so happy for them but I think it stinks that I can't be there with them. What I hate most is that I make some of them uncomfortable beause I am not there right along with them. I wish I had a magic word that could make it all bettter but alas I don't. I wish I could rewind and start my life all over again with all this understanding I have now.